a bug has infiltrated my bathroom
I’ve decided to name it Jim
Jim walks the not-so-red carpet
you’re a star, Jim
Jim edorses oral hygiene
Jim doesn’t even have a toothbrush
Jim is a hypocrite
Jim refuses to give me a high five
fuck you, Jim
Jim refused to pay rent
Jim has been kicked out
welcome to the real world, Jim
i want to work at ikea purely for this reason
*pokes my responsibilities with a stick* what is this get it away from me
"we’re having mcdonalds for dinner"
"i made cookies"
"i did your laundry for you"
"we’re going out you’ll be home alone for a few hours"
you have lOST YOUR PHOTOSHOP PRIVILEGES
I have become so immune that it took me a few minutes to figure out what is wrong with it
Best response to the “are you on your period?” question goes to Leonardo DiCaprio